A Submarine

Born in the shops of the Devil,
Designed in the brains of a fiend.
Filled with acid and crude oil,
And christened "A Submarine."

The poets send in their ditties,
Of Battleships spick and clean,
But never a word in their columns,
Do you see of a submarine. I'll try and depict our story,
In a very laconic way,
Please have patience to listen,
Until I have finished my say.

We eat where we can find it,
And sleep hanging up on the hooks,
Conditions under which we're existing,
Are never published in books.

Life on these boats is obnoxious,
And that is using mild terms,
We are never bothered by sickness,
There isn't any room for germs.

We are never troubled with varmints,
There are things a cockroach can't stand,
And any self-respecting rodent,
Quick as possible beats it for land.

And that little one dollar per dive,
We receive to submerge out of sight,
Is often earned more than double,
By charging batteries at night.

And that extra compensation,
We receive on boats like these,
We never really get at all,
It's spent on soap and dungarees.

Machinists get soaked in fuel oil,
Electricians in H2SO4,
Gunners mates with 600W,
And torpedo slush galore.

When we come into the Navy Yard,
We are looked upon with disgrace,
And they make out some new regulations,
To fit our particular case.

Now all you Battleship sailors,
When you are feelin' disgruntled and mean,
Just pack your bag and hammock,
And go to A Submarine.   

Written By:   

(author unknown - from “The Dolphin”, April 4, 1925)