New Regs Regarding Shipboard Safety

R 081503Z JUN 07 PSN 740648J31
FM COMNAVSURFORCES WASHINGTON DC//N001//

SUBJ: SAFE WORK PRACTICES IN POTENTIALLY FLAMMABLE ATMOSPHERES // 
(FOR IMMEDIATE IMPLEMENTATION)

1. A PETTY OFFICER WAS TREATED AT A MILITARY TREATMENT FACILITY (MTF)
AFTER COMPLAINING OF SHORTNESS OF BREATH AFTER WORKING IN AN ENCLOSED
WORKSPACE WITH SEVERAL OTHER PERSONNEL. THE DINING FACILITY HAD SERVED A
MEXICAN MEAL FOR LUNCH, CAUSING SUSPECTED HIGH METHANE AND SULFITE
LEVELS IN THE ATMOSPHERE FROM THE CREW'S FLATULENCE.

2. MANY NAVY PERSONNEL WORK IN FACILITIES AND ON SHIPS WHERE FLATULENCE
MAY EXIST, AND DUE TO MISSION URGENCY ARE NOT ABLE TO IMMEDIATELY VACATE
THE SPACE SHOULD THE AIR BECOME FOUL. THIS MISHAP SERVES AS A STRONG
REMINDER THAT THE EXPRESSION OF FLATULENCE CAN BE EXTREMELY DANGEROUS IN
THESE AREAS, UNLESS THEY ARE SPECIFICALLY LISTED AS INTRINSICALLY SAFE.
THE NAVY HAS DEVELOPED THE FOLLOWING SAFE WORK PRACTICE TO ADDRESS THIS PROBLEM:

EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY, THE PRACTICE OF EXPELLING FLATULENCE, COMMONLY
REFERRED TO AS "FARTING", "BREAKING WIND", OR "PASSING GAS", IS
PROHIBITED ABOARD ALL NAVAL SHIPS, BOATS, VEHICLES, AIRCRAFT, AND SHORE INSTALLATIONS.

3. THIS REGULATION APPLIES NOT ONLY TO AUDIBLE FLATULENCE, OR INCIDENTS
THAT ARE CLAIMED BY THEIR PERPETRATOR, BUT ALSO TO COVERT EVENTS SUCH AS
"DEADLY WHISPERS," "CHEEK SNEAKERS," AND "CROP DUSTINGS."

4. UNAUTHORIZED EXPULSION OF FLATULENCE IS TO BE PUNISHED UNDER THE UCMJ.
"HE WHO SMELT IT DEALT IT" IS CONSIDERED SUFFICIENT BASIS FOR PROSECUTION.
"I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS GOING TO STINK" OR "I ATE AT THE GALLEY" IS NOT TO
BE ACCEPTED AS AN EXCUSE FOR FAILURE TO CONTROL ONESELF. THE TIME
HONORED EXPLANATION OF: "EXCUSE ME, I MEANT TO CRAP", WILL NO LONGER BE
ACCEPTED UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE.

5. COMMANDS ARE INSTRUCTED TO ENSURE KNOWN GAS PRODUCING FOODS ARE
AVOIDED AT THE DINING FACILITIES. MEXICAN THEMED MEALS, NAVY OR BAKED
BEANS, CHILI, CABBAGE, AND EGG SALAD ARE NO LONGER AUTHORIZED MENU ITEMS.

6. THE LIGHTING OF FLATULENCE WITH ANY TYPE OF OPEN FLAME IS STILL
PROHIBITED.

7. THIS ORDER ALSO APPLIES TO THE FLEET MARINE FORCE, NAVAL AIR FORCES,
THE NAVAL CONSTRUCTION FORCE, AMPHIBS, CARRIER AND SUBMARINE FLEETS AS WELL.

8. THIS DIRECTIVE DOES NOT APPLY TO THE CLASSIC GUT BOMB SYNDROME
RESULTING IN LOOSE STOOLS CAUSED BY PARTAKING OF EXCESSIVE AMOUNTS OF
FAST FOODS. SEE BUMEDINST 6240.3A AND 6270.69.